Mike, here are my thoughts on your compelling questions that nobody’s ever asked me before.
1. I have lots of persistent questions from my early life that persist. Being the youngest in my extended family made me feel like I arrived too late and the party was over! One thought that is embedded in my dna: how did my nuclear family become the outliers? Especially with the folks on my dad’s side. There was no feud or a defining moment in my lifetime. I emailed one of my cousins who’s in his late 60’s and he wrote me a very kind letter - with no answers. He says he doesn’t know why things were that way. To paraphrase, sometimes families do weird things. I believe he must know but won’t say. All branches of our family are a very, very private bunch. It’s complicated and leaves me with a lot of sadness especially since my folks are gone. But I’m glad I established contact with my one cousin who seems like a decent person.
2. I have a lot of burning questions that I’d like resolved in the next year or so. The most important one is how in the hell are we going to downsize?! So far all of our desirable options will cost more than staying put which is still very costly. We live in house built in 1922. Our maintenance expenses are often unpredictable and it seems that every year there’s a whopper. We do the best we can to keep up with what needs to be done.
3. I can’t do anything about a lack of curiosity in someone else. So I meet them wherever they are along the curiosity spectrum. When I find myself shutting down it means I am upset, or preoccupied with worry or anxiety or depressed or overwhelmed. Sometimes shutting down is self preservation and not always a terrible thing if it doesn’t go on too long.
Thanks for posing these compelling questions, Mike, they’ve given me a lot to think about!
These responses are very brave, Jennifer, and I hope others in this cohort have thoughts to share with you about them. For me, families DO do weird things. The irony is what weirdness they do affects other relationships going forward in life: work, personal, friendships, etc. That's why I'm so interested in what I somewhat jokingly call "personal archaeology"—through diaries, journals, old letters, photos, drawings, anything that can help put answers to lingering questions. For your #2, I think A LOT of people are doing this, so resources out there are welcome here as well. Two of my coworkers are moving across the country this year, and I'm considering it before next winter. There is more I'll say about your #3 in this coming Friday's Nightwalking "In the Sandbox," so stay tuned! Best, Mike
I’m curious. Why do days sometimes seem so long, yet life seems to fly by? As a child I remember summer days that seemed to last forever: breakfast at sunrise, off to the creek with my best friend Brad, biking in the afternoon, and kick the can at night. But before I knew it: back to school.
Now as an adult, I catch myself glancing at the clock while teaching. “What? Only four and half minutes have passed since I last looked at it!” A class, a day can grind on and on, but wait. Before I know it, it’s January 1, and then June 4. Another year, another year. How can a day seem longer than a year? How can a year seem shorter than a day?
I recently saw some research on this and it will have to look it up. Ostensibly all time is the same (a minute takes a minute, an hour, exactly an hour, etc.) but it's a psychological phenomenon between a child's brain and an adult's. Will see if I can find that research, or if you do, please post it here! :-)
Mike, here are my thoughts on your compelling questions that nobody’s ever asked me before.
1. I have lots of persistent questions from my early life that persist. Being the youngest in my extended family made me feel like I arrived too late and the party was over! One thought that is embedded in my dna: how did my nuclear family become the outliers? Especially with the folks on my dad’s side. There was no feud or a defining moment in my lifetime. I emailed one of my cousins who’s in his late 60’s and he wrote me a very kind letter - with no answers. He says he doesn’t know why things were that way. To paraphrase, sometimes families do weird things. I believe he must know but won’t say. All branches of our family are a very, very private bunch. It’s complicated and leaves me with a lot of sadness especially since my folks are gone. But I’m glad I established contact with my one cousin who seems like a decent person.
2. I have a lot of burning questions that I’d like resolved in the next year or so. The most important one is how in the hell are we going to downsize?! So far all of our desirable options will cost more than staying put which is still very costly. We live in house built in 1922. Our maintenance expenses are often unpredictable and it seems that every year there’s a whopper. We do the best we can to keep up with what needs to be done.
3. I can’t do anything about a lack of curiosity in someone else. So I meet them wherever they are along the curiosity spectrum. When I find myself shutting down it means I am upset, or preoccupied with worry or anxiety or depressed or overwhelmed. Sometimes shutting down is self preservation and not always a terrible thing if it doesn’t go on too long.
Thanks for posing these compelling questions, Mike, they’ve given me a lot to think about!
These responses are very brave, Jennifer, and I hope others in this cohort have thoughts to share with you about them. For me, families DO do weird things. The irony is what weirdness they do affects other relationships going forward in life: work, personal, friendships, etc. That's why I'm so interested in what I somewhat jokingly call "personal archaeology"—through diaries, journals, old letters, photos, drawings, anything that can help put answers to lingering questions. For your #2, I think A LOT of people are doing this, so resources out there are welcome here as well. Two of my coworkers are moving across the country this year, and I'm considering it before next winter. There is more I'll say about your #3 in this coming Friday's Nightwalking "In the Sandbox," so stay tuned! Best, Mike
Thank you for sharing them! I’ll mull them over and see if I can add some insight, particularly with your number 1.
I’m curious. Why do days sometimes seem so long, yet life seems to fly by? As a child I remember summer days that seemed to last forever: breakfast at sunrise, off to the creek with my best friend Brad, biking in the afternoon, and kick the can at night. But before I knew it: back to school.
Now as an adult, I catch myself glancing at the clock while teaching. “What? Only four and half minutes have passed since I last looked at it!” A class, a day can grind on and on, but wait. Before I know it, it’s January 1, and then June 4. Another year, another year. How can a day seem longer than a year? How can a year seem shorter than a day?
Curious, isn’t it?
I recently saw some research on this and it will have to look it up. Ostensibly all time is the same (a minute takes a minute, an hour, exactly an hour, etc.) but it's a psychological phenomenon between a child's brain and an adult's. Will see if I can find that research, or if you do, please post it here! :-)
I’ve heard about that. Also, when you’re ten, a year is one tenth of of your life. Big deal. When you’re 56, a year is 1/56 of your life. No big deal!