In the Sandbox #24

Daytalking prompt

“Each detail, each name, every sigh, and the color of the clouds, as well as the executioner’s gesture.”

—Simon Dubnow, from Charles Baxter’s Wonderlands: Essays on the Life of Literature.

I have always distrusted over-talkers.

Maybe you know the type, or are blushing because you are one yourself. They talk over other people, but they also blabber on and almost never focus their arguments. Or seem to listen to who they’re talking to. They are exclusive and don’t really care what you think about anything. They are infuriating people.

I distrust them because I know them very, very well: I was one of them. I am no more.

What saved me?

Daytalking.

Daytalking is not about talking per se. I like the “Day” part because it involves bright sunlight and clean, clear air—it’s about relationships and how you manage them. It’s a form of “clearing the air,” but most of all listening and being patient. Heavy on the “being” part.

Because I was once an over-talker, I’ve since learned how much it pains people. You know that moment when you’re babbling away and you glance at the person you’ve been talking to (not with, but to) and their glazed eyes are everywhere else but on you? That’s pain—the other person’s, not yours.

I bring this up because post-COVID-19 pandemic, I’ve seen people absolutely drowning themselves and others in idle talk. Hey, I get it. It’s been a maddeningly lonely stretch of road. Unimaginable. Unprecedented. LONELY. Isolating. Loooonnnnnnnng stretch of road.

But that goddamn pandemic however offered an opportunity: Restoring relationships in a fundamental way. I would suggest first acknowledging the other person and then, holding off as long as possible about whatever is on your mind. There are layers of communication and I’ve noticed that, since I’ve been off most social media (Facebook in 2009—shitcanned. Twitter in 2016—vamoose, Bruce! And Instagram in 2018—bless their lil’ hearts they photograph things! Buh-bye), the remaining things I’m a part of (LinkedIn, and feel free to connect with me there) still tax my patience when people fail to acknowledge and include others. Or overshare and bloviate. Hey, just keep an eye out for it. It’s fixable.

Not sure the best way to excise “I” and “me” from most people’s writing, but it can be done. Would suggest doing what this sentence attempts to do—just cut them out altogether. It can be done. Be cognizant of the weight of “I,” “me,” “my,” and work toward “we,” “our,” or even spending a post being curious about another human being.

Bright fall flowers for you—and me!—happy Sunday (Photo by StoryShed Media).

That’s the plan, Stan.

Our little cohort here on Substack has diminished by two or three subscribers, and I’m trying not to feel sad about that. I wish everyone well and glad for the joiners and stayers.

So let’s have some fun, shall we?

Welcome to “In the Sandbox,” our StoryShed community huddle around each aspect of Daytalking, Nightwalking, and Stargazing, where we get to have some fun. By actively writing and reflecting on your personal history, you’re better able to grapple with your present and more confidently approach your future. Interacting with the rest of our Substack community brings in possibly new and untried ideas and encourages further reflection, support, and action. At least that’s the goal.

Daytalking is best approached with a sense of playfulness, so here’s this week’s prompt:

Let’s noodle some nonsense names (three at the least, five tops) consisting of first name and surname. As you write them down, be thinking about what they could be as characters in a story (or real life)—but don’t include that in your response. That’s where the rest of us will come in and react to your chosen names in the comments.

I’ll chime in after everyone else has had a chance to comment. Have fun!